No more “Mommy, I wove you!”



As I sit here watching my kids playing in a waterfall of bubbles (thanks bubble machine!) my eyes keep drifting to my two year old son.  Just this afternoon, during one of our daily lunch conversations, I heard his sweet little voice on the other end saying “Mommy, I wove youuuuuuu!” As I watch him bounce in the bubbles, I can’t help but think of another 2 yr old boy and how his mother will never again here his little voice say “Mommy, I wove youuuuuuu!”  I get to hug my little guy tight, when he lets me (hugging a two year old is a difficult task).  But another mommy will never again get the chance to hug her little guy tight.  The guilt that will live/drive/consume that family will never be as great as it is at this moment  and we have failed this family!  We have, in a sense, kicked this family while they are down as low as they can be!  This family will live the rest of their lives with the regrets of that night.  They aren’t bad parents, just parents!  No one will judge them more harshly than they will judge themselves!  Why must we be so cruel to a family that is suffering in a way that is only unimaginable to most of us!

My heart breaks, for a family that will go home from vacation, to a house that is still full of two year old life without the two year old to go with it!  I wish we had more compassion for suffering!  What makes us so thirsty for judgement?  What makes us sharpen the claws?  If it were your friend’s child, would you be so quick to label?  It’s easy to coach from the sidelines, its another story to be a part of the game!  We can all say what we would have or would not have done, it doesn’t change what happened!  There will never be a crueler payment for decisions than the loss of your child!

To the Graves’ family, I am SORRY for the harshness you have and will endure from this cruel nation!  I am sorry that you have experience the best parts and worst part of your son’s life!  I’m sorry you are suffering a pain that NO PARENT SHOULD EVER have to endure!




Holding onto these moments

So, tonight after putting AJ to bed, she got up for the billionth time.  She came over to me and said “me want to give you hug”.  So, I picked her up, gave her a  hug, and carried her back to her room. I put her back in her bed and cover her back up, kissed her forehead, told her I loved her, then turned to leave.  Before I got to the door, she stood up in her bed and asked for another hug.  Who could say no to an adorable blonde haired, blue eyed 2 yr old? She wrapped her arms around my neck and wrapped her legs around my waist.  As I held my baby girl I was overwhelmed with the thought ” God, Please don’t let me forget this moment!”.  I’m not sure how many more moments like that I’ll get.  Life moves so fast, while the days go by so slow.  Soon she’ll be too big for me to pick up and then she won’t want to give mommy hugs.  I find it hard to recall her as a baby, I don’t want to forget these moments too. 


I love her!


Good intentions killed by exhaustion

So, my 4 yr old is in Pre-K. He will be a kindergartner next year. How in blue hell did that happen?


I, honestly, feel like I’ve let him down a little bit. I had such great intentions. I was going to be that over-acheiver mom! I was going to prepare him for school. I was going to do my damnedest to make the transition as easy as possible. Give him the tools and knowledge to make school easy and fun for him. 


But life got complicated, quickly. Good intentions were superseded by exhaustion and just trying to make it to bed time.  


He is a smart boy and he will be great in Pre-K and kindergarten. I’m just disappointed that I didn’t do more with and for him.

Damn you life!


Universal sign for “GET UP”

My husband and I have 4 kids. They are 8, 4, 2, and 1. So, they of course hate sleep. 6:30 am and the 1 and 4 years olds are up and ready for fun. The 2 and 8 year olds are better sleepers.

This is what brings me to the universal F-you, GET UP” sign.  Typical if the kids get up and I’m OK with getting up, I’ll close the bedroom door behind me, if not, that B stays open. Meaning “nope, I’m not in the mood to wrangle all of them on my own!”

Now, I have come to realize that this universal code is used more so by dad’s than mom’s, at least in my house. 

But my husband did give me a few days of sleep ins not so long ago.  But he did use the sign on me this morning. Punk!

Just my thoughts on the matter, is your house the same?


Thriving for my life!

new me

Ok, I’m doing something that is NOT like me.  So, forgive me for being “One of those people” for a post!

I have an 8 year old, a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and a 1 year old running around my house.  I work a 42+ hour week, way from the home.  I am a full time student (GO BACHELOR’S DEGREE!).  I have a lot on my plate and to top it off I also suffer from an autoimmune disease, one of the worst symptoms of my disease is “debilitating fatigue” (http://www.lupus.org/resources/15-questions-fatigue-and-lupus).  My days use to consist of fighting against my own body just to keep my eyes open.  I was grumpy all the time but lets be honest when your body hurts and feels like it a ton of bricks, its hard to be in a good mood.

This brings me to the point of this post.  A sweet lady at my mother’s work starting trying this product (yes, I know a damn product post) and she loved it and wanted to share it with EVERYONE she could.  She wanted people to try it NOT just listen to her spill on the stuff.  The stuff wasn’t a get thin quick scheme, it wasn’t none of those crazy claims that you usually see with the products going round.  My mom brought it to me.  I thought great another person pushing another product, they’re everywhere.  I gave it a try though, and WOW!  I had more energy than I had in a long time.  I cleaned my house, like a real deal deep cleaning (4 kids around, light cleaning is all I had been able to manage), I was able to study for 2 tests and pass them both, and make flash cards for another class.


This product claims to give people more energy in a HEALTHY way.  As American’s we are overweight and exhausted because we are overweight.  We’re overweight because we eat so much processed, devoid of nutritional value foods that we are making ourselves sick.  This product is packed full of the nutrients that our bodies desperately need but are typically lacking in our processed world.  With the boost of energy you will be more active with more activities you will naturally lose weight, its a side effect of the product not the purpose of the product.


I’ve only been using Thrive for a month and I can honestly say I have a lot more energy (as in I’m not at all struggling to keep my eyes open, which is a VERY big deal for me) and according to friends and family (especially my husband) I am in a much better mood.  I can’t guarantee it’ll work for you but I know it has helped me and if it can help someone else then awesome!

One Thriver in Hawaii found thrive in their doctors office. So, take a look at the reviews (there are bad and good), read about the ingredients, take it to your doctor, get their input and take a chance.


What you get when you order is a power packed protein shake, supplement pills, and your DFT patch.

dft thrive package


Let me justify…

So, my husband is a stay at home dad. Not a big deal right? WRONG! I always feel that I have to justify my husband staying home.  Like I have to explain the situation before telling people he is a SAHD.

Why should I have to explain my family dynamic to anyone? Why does it matter what my husband or I do, as long as he and I are on the same page?

Father’s can love their children as much as a mother. They can be as supportive in sensitive situations as mothers.  They can have compassion for other’s suffering.  In fact, some father’s are more attentive to there children than their female counterpart.

I should NOT have to explain why my husband is staying at home. To let you in on a secret, child care is expensive!!!!!!

My husband is a good daddy. He loves our babies, cries with and for our babies. He is proud of their accomplishments and encourages them to do more and be better.  He looks forward to T-ball and dance classes!

My husband staying home does not, in anyway, diminish my feelings for him or for my children. Nor does it diminish my children’s feelings for me.

Why are we making such a big deal out of it?

People stop judging other parents for not parenting your way!!